Friday, September 08, 2006

Learn to act... NOW! (Male Edition)

Aaaah... Nothing can take away the diehard fan from his/her favourite TV show. As soon as the watcher is set, he sits on his favourite couch, opens that familiar bag of chips and sits back and enjoys the opening sequence of the show.

But wait... As soon as the leading man steps into camera view, Oh, the horror! The dialogue is good, the storyline is fair; but that good-looking bloke in front of the camera is either reading his lines from an idiot board or he's an idiot acting like a board for all the world to see. Suddenly, what could have been a perfect way to end an evening viewing turned out to be a Mystery Science Theater 3K session, heckling your way through the show/movie; Not that it's not a good thing, but you swear to high Heavens that you would never let yourself be immersed in such a badly-acted program ever again. All thanks to that moron who can't act, even though he's been in front of the camera almost all his life.

I now present you a list of names of some actors (the females, we heckle next time!) who badly needs to attend a nazi boot camp acting workshop; you know, a real terrible place where the attendants' fingers get cut off if they fail an acting test. Here's the list:

1. Jericho Rosales - Oh God. How many years has this boy been in the business? He's not exactly monotone, but as far as I remember, a crying scene was supposed to give the impression that the actor was hurting and there was no other way he can express it; and by george, does he express! He expresses it all too much, he goes into this overacting cry-baby BS as though the world is ending right before his eyes.

2. Mark Herras - If Jericho is the christ of overacting, Mark is the god of no-acting. All of his facial expressions are basically the same: thick eyebrows down, eyes squinting, and lips semi-pouting. Just add a few rolling tears for additional dramatic effect.

3. Richard Gutierrez - Captain Barbell himself Richard Gutierrez caught his father's dashing good looks, but never his character actor genes. Why does it seem that Richard Gutierrez looks so cute all the time as though he is always trying to make the ladies swoon? It may look good for them, but certainly not good for us real men. Also, if you're already good looking, there's no need for you to pose cute.

4. Jeremy Marquez - We're cutting him a bit of slack because he has not been in the business long enough; but please, at least try to win the hearts of the viewers and not scowl on the screen all the time.

5. Dion Ignacio - Dion, do you know what your batchmate Tyrone Perez did? It's called courage, man. It's been a long time since you were always a step ahead of him; and now his new movie has not come out yet and everybody's talking about him. If nothing is happening with your acting career, it means that you're on the wrong track.

6. Jordan Herrera - jordan is another kid who poses too much for the camera. Aside from the terrible acting, he looks and dresses as though he's ready to make the next little old lady happy for money; giggolo style.

7. Bernard Palanca - Truly a shame on his family name. A guy who came from a family of classic actors and actresses, Bernard seemed to have been left out when the acting genes of his family decided to distribute among its members. Full tatoos and slurry dialogue style, Bernard must think he's a Mickey Rourke.

8. Rainier Castillo - He's still young and has a lot more to learn, I'll give him that; but have you ever wondered why his parent network never gave him that much projects? Killer smile, check. Funny but cute dance moves, check. Acting abilities? One big, fat zero. Rainier never cries on camera; the scene begins with tears in his eyes, and that probably meant that he squeezed eye drops into his eyes before the director even yelled "action!" to give himself that artificial crying effect.

9. Oyo Boy Sotto - There's something about these monotone guys that we love to hate. Oyo Boy uses the age old acting style that all the great ones use; but that's not a compliment. Oyo Boy, in his most pensive and emotional moods, acts as though he aged watching drama actors of the 80's: outdated and boring. His dialogue style and facial expressions are also monotone. At least we found his acting to be a cure for insomnia.

10. Vhong Navarro - Ok, he's a comedian, but even that, he cannot do properly. Because of his penchant for imitating Jim Carrey, he became exactly that: a poor comedian imitating Jim Carrey. Suggestion, dawg: get your own style. Even Carrey's washed up already.

And the list goes on and on. There are a lot more, and I'm sure you have your own ideas of horrible acting. Make your own list and we'll see.