Learn to write the ultimate Pinoy soap opera!

This is it, writer wannabes! Do you want to break into the soap opera scene in the Philippines? It’s true: the soap opera is the way to go break into show-business today. It is full of clichés, bad acting and dialogue, and is effective in giving headaches, but still. Soap opera writers follow a strict list of guidelines in their stories, and only the themes change may it be a real world or magical setting; however, the following steps remain the same. Here are the most important elements that should be in your soap opera story:

1. Weak heroine – a Pinoy soap trademark would be the weak heroine, and that means having your heroine experience the most traumatic life possible: have her parents die of an accident, have her work for a wicked matriarch of a rich family. Having her cry all the time and crawling on all fours is a plus. One might think that all of the tragedies in her life she was able to establish a strong personality, but this is not the case in a soap. Nowadays, writers tend to put in some sort of courageous elements to the female lead, like a driving desire to follow a dream; however, the fragile and pathetic element of the leading lady will always be there. Always remember that reality is not significant.
2. Evil twin sibling – No matter what the reason is, may it be that the writer may have run out of ideas for a plot twist or the producers of the show wanted to overexpose their lead star, no plot device is as handy as an evil twin sister/brother coming out of nowhere to make things more complicated. It also does not matter where the evil twin came from, may he/she be a legitimate sibling or just some nameless character that underwent a surgery; by entering the new antagonist into the fray, you open up new possibilities for the characters.
3. Romeo & Juliet plotline – Yes, it’s not a Pinoy soap if the respective families of the star-crossed lovers are not quarreling; and also, consider a class struggle by making one family poor and the other extremely rich. Parents also do not matter; the teenage lovers should disrespect them and always oppose their mom and dad’s hopes and dreams for them. The lovers should always glorify juvenile delinquency. Have the lovers run away from home and try to live life on their own; they will botch it up eventually, and have second thoughts on whether or not they made the right decision. The rest of us intelligent viewers know that they are both morons from the start, but it does not matter; this is an important rule of writing a Filipino soap opera, so grin and bear it.
4. Cherie Gil archetype antagonist – Yup, Cherie Gil’s Lavinia character from the movie (not the sucky soap opera) “Bituing Walang Ningning” is the prototype for the vilest, meanest, and baddest enemy of them all; and now, this antagonist archetype has evolved from a selfish baddass who wanted everything, to some matron from Hell who’s just there to make things hard for the weak heroine. She’s been portrayed by every soap opera enemy known, and it does not matter where she came from, what her driving force is, or whether she’s a realistic character or not, just make her a murderous, chain-smoking, Machiavellian adulterer and that’s the key.
5. Baby switching – Ever since the soap opera Mara Clara began using baby switching as a handy tool for a plot twist, it has been used by almost every other soap opera to ever come out of the small screen. Useful most especially if the two babies switched lives, growing up and discovering that the lives they are living were not meant for them. While chaos ensues, watch your characters fight and scheme their way out of the measly lives you’ve set up for them. This may also be used in conjunction with Evil Twin Sibling.
6. Clueless leading man – It’s enough that the leading man is a brooding, rebel-type model who does not have acting skills; just show him in a pensive mood all the time, and have him keep on asking questions. Usually, the leading man is the one guy who gets informed last.
7. Everybody loves her – Believe it or not, all of the hunky, brainless, model-type men who’s somebody in the show is almost always in love with the poor heroine. This girl who washes dishes, cleans the floors, and forced to eat pig feces by her evil stepmother and stepsisters still manages to exude oozing sex appeal. The handsome pool cleaner, the matron’s goon leader, the clueless leading man, the boy best friend, and everybody else that’s testosterone-dripping on the show should be in love with the lady; it makes for great men brawls.
8. Rags-to-riches – As the story goes along, some lawyer (cast some unknown in this role; balot or taho vendor with a commanding voice but no acting abilities whatsoever) appears in the villa to shake things up a bit. Guess what? He informs everyone that our inferior heroine is the lost daughter of a dying magnate, and due to some unfortunate event like baby-switching (a-ha!), his beloved daughter was lost to her. However now that he is dying, he wishes to transfer everything worth a $hit to his long lost daughter. This plot-twist is particularly useful especially if the show is going nowhere and the ratings are crashing.
9. Revenge and scheming – In past soaps, the scheming was limited to the evil characters. Now, everybody is doing it; the antagonist for greed, and the protagonists usually for revenge. The former crying queen: our heroine who was once a dirty maidservant, eating garbage and crawling on the pigsty is now suddenly rich (due to her recent self-discovery as an heir to a generous fortune), powerful, and can command people to follow her whim. She will now use all of her authority to seek vengeance to those who did her wrong when she was but a wee maidservant—and all that crap.
10. Amnesia! – The amnesia plot twist is so darn convenient it can be inserted on anytime to any character in a soap opera. Anytime a character gets too complicated and if suddenly the world rested upon his/her shoulders, device an accident in which he/she gets bumped on the head. Presto! The memories of the character gets wiped out and it will be easy to insert new characters and new story developments when the amnesia victim is out of the way.

And finally: do not forget to tie up all lose ends on the final two minutes of the final episode. That way, the audience will stick to the show until the final frame of your soap. This is how it was years ago, and this is how it is still. Write your own soap opera today!