Learn to act... NOW! (Male Edition)

Aaaah... Nothing can take away the diehard fan from his/her favourite TV show. As soon as the watcher is set, he sits on his favourite couch, opens that familiar bag of chips and sits back and enjoys the opening sequence of the show.

But wait... As soon as the leading man steps into camera view, Oh, the horror! The dialogue is good, the storyline is fair; but that good-looking bloke in front of the camera is either reading his lines from an idiot board or he's an idiot acting like a board for all the world to see. Suddenly, what could have been a perfect way to end an evening viewing turned out to be a Mystery Science Theater 3K session, heckling your way through the show/movie; Not that it's not a good thing, but you swear to high Heavens that you would never let yourself be immersed in such a badly-acted program ever again. All thanks to that moron who can't act, even though he's been in front of the camera almost all his life.

I now present you a list of names of some actors (the females, we heckle next time!) who badly needs to attend a nazi boot camp acting workshop; you know, a real terrible place where the attendants' fingers get cut off if they fail an acting test. Here's the list:

1. Jericho Rosales - Oh God. How many years has this boy been in the business? He's not exactly monotone, but as far as I remember, a crying scene was supposed to give the impression that the actor was hurting and there was no other way he can express it; and by george, does he express! He expresses it all too much, he goes into this overacting cry-baby BS as though the world is ending right before his eyes.

2. Mark Herras - If Jericho is the christ of overacting, Mark is the god of no-acting. All of his facial expressions are basically the same: thick eyebrows down, eyes squinting, and lips semi-pouting. Just add a few rolling tears for additional dramatic effect.

3. Richard Gutierrez - Captain Barbell himself Richard Gutierrez caught his father's dashing good looks, but never his character actor genes. Why does it seem that Richard Gutierrez looks so cute all the time as though he is always trying to make the ladies swoon? It may look good for them, but certainly not good for us real men. Also, if you're already good looking, there's no need for you to pose cute.

4. Jeremy Marquez - We're cutting him a bit of slack because he has not been in the business long enough; but please, at least try to win the hearts of the viewers and not scowl on the screen all the time.

5. Dion Ignacio - Dion, do you know what your batchmate Tyrone Perez did? It's called courage, man. It's been a long time since you were always a step ahead of him; and now his new movie has not come out yet and everybody's talking about him. If nothing is happening with your acting career, it means that you're on the wrong track.

6. Jordan Herrera - jordan is another kid who poses too much for the camera. Aside from the terrible acting, he looks and dresses as though he's ready to make the next little old lady happy for money; giggolo style.

7. Bernard Palanca - Truly a shame on his family name. A guy who came from a family of classic actors and actresses, Bernard seemed to have been left out when the acting genes of his family decided to distribute among its members. Full tatoos and slurry dialogue style, Bernard must think he's a Mickey Rourke.

8. Rainier Castillo - He's still young and has a lot more to learn, I'll give him that; but have you ever wondered why his parent network never gave him that much projects? Killer smile, check. Funny but cute dance moves, check. Acting abilities? One big, fat zero. Rainier never cries on camera; the scene begins with tears in his eyes, and that probably meant that he squeezed eye drops into his eyes before the director even yelled "action!" to give himself that artificial crying effect.

9. Oyo Boy Sotto - There's something about these monotone guys that we love to hate. Oyo Boy uses the age old acting style that all the great ones use; but that's not a compliment. Oyo Boy, in his most pensive and emotional moods, acts as though he aged watching drama actors of the 80's: outdated and boring. His dialogue style and facial expressions are also monotone. At least we found his acting to be a cure for insomnia.

10. Vhong Navarro - Ok, he's a comedian, but even that, he cannot do properly. Because of his penchant for imitating Jim Carrey, he became exactly that: a poor comedian imitating Jim Carrey. Suggestion, dawg: get your own style. Even Carrey's washed up already.

And the list goes on and on. There are a lot more, and I'm sure you have your own ideas of horrible acting. Make your own list and we'll see.

Review of "A Date With Jao Mapa": There is a light that never goes out

Photo Courtesy of azntv.com

For many, many years, the usual Filipino comedy consists of a streetwise hero,a bumbling sidekick, lots of slapstick, and a production number on a Batangas beach at the end. For decades, audiences were forced to swallow this animal crap in the name of profit. For many years it was this way; hundreds and hundreds of cliché comedy movies, all of them the same; talk about clockwork orange torture. Now, if there ever was a choice between 10 full length movies by any Filipino director and the dark comedy "A date with Jao Mapa" to take with me on a deserted island, I will choose the latter short film by maverick director Quark Henares; at least Henares delivers a fresh new vision unseen in any other old Filipino comedy movie before.

The story of "A Date" may be old by Hollywood standards, but it is high time that Filipinos come up with their own version; it stars Jao Mapa and Marnie Arcilla who play the two leads, taking the audience into a wild indie caterpillar ride of life, love, and obsession. The visuals and mediums used to tell the short story are relatively new to Filipino comedy and create interest. Marnie Arcilla glitters on screen, proving that she still has certain charm even after that cheesy kids show AngTV. The dialogue is quirky though but daring and Director Quark proves his richly streetwise vision through this film, which is courageous and never afraid to turn the story around.

"A Date With Jao Mapa" may be mediocre by well-known Hollywood standards, but in the Philippines it does not only stand on it's own but soars over all the stupid clichéd comedy musicals the country has been producing all these years. The hope of intelligence in this movie is truly a light that will never go off; it will always convey the message that not all comedies are beach-singing at the end of it.

Review of "Now & Forever: Linlang": Best of the lot but still soap operatic

Photo Courtesy of filipinoexpress.com
First, the good: Nothing is what it seems.

The latest season of "Now & Forever" proves this saying true as the writers of this story cleverly applies the element of deception to effectiveness. "Linlang" stars Diana Zubiri, Polo Ravales, Chynna Ortaleza, and a cast of others who, in my opinion, are giving the best performances of their lives so far in their career. The exception to this is Ms. Lorna Tolentino who was not given a chance to shine because of the short role she was given, and Alessandra de Rossi who is clearly overacting her angry scenes.

A supernatural-inspired story theme kicks off as the rest of the story is kept interesting because of the hidden roles and interests of the characters as instances weave their stories together. Surprisingly, each character has a valid driving force; unlike in other shows wherein the characters whose interests seemed to have spurted out of nowhere.

Now, the bad news, folks: COnsidering all good things, this is still soap opera. Yes, the scheming villains are all here, the cliché Soap Opera movements are here, and the story are still mostly clichés woven together. The storytelling talents of the writers are wasted on an afternoon soap. Now, only if they can employ their clever twist-techniques to all their shows...

Review of "I Luv NY": Leave the Mark/Jennylyn story arc entirely on the cutting room floor

Photo Courtesy of Philstar.com

Another TV program gets a hit-and-miss treatment in the soap opera "I Luv NY", a supposed-to-be bubbly soap opera destroyed by executive interests. ILNY is a feel-good love story about Filipino couples and their trials on the other side of the world; particularly New York City. There are two story arcs: the Marvin Agustin-Jolina Magdangal story for older audiences and the Mark Herras-Jennylyn Mercado story for the teenybopper audience; unfortunately, the two stories are very different and gives opposing effects on the whole show.

The Marvin-Jolina love story mainly focused on the two leads' enjoyable changes and exchanges in the city that never sleeps. Jolina's innocence and playfulness worked well with Marvin's serious character-type and most of the time almost pleasurable to watch. Enter the colorful characters played by Isabel Oli (who, admittedly, develops a better acting performance than in her previous work), Arnel Ignacio (who mimics a Cherie Gil-type antagonist to effective perfection), and others for more crazy plot turns.

Regrettably, the worst part of the whole series is the story that focused on Mark and Jennylyn. The story was ultimately uninteresting from the beginning, and the cement-block acting of Mark and the false drama of Jennylyn just made their screen time even worse. The entrance of unseasoned support characters (with the exception of Carmi Martin and Tirso Cruz III ) does no improvement. This devolution, this giant step backwards can be traced to network executives' financial interests; what should have ended early with a perfect ending story was extended (reminiscent of the "Encantadia" brouhaha) because the show was a hit and raking in the money.

ILNY should have lined itself along Asian dramas such as "A Harvard Love Story", "Attic Cat", and "Lovers in Paris", if not for the terrible turn of the Mark/Jennylyn story arc. Cut off the stinky Mark-Jennylyn story out of the show and you have a perfect Asian drama right there.

Review of "Majika":Most shallow show on TV---congratulations

Photo Courtesy of iGMA.tv

GMA is a multi-awarded station, and I have another title to add to their long list list: Most shallow show on Philippine TV. I always thought that nothing can sink lower than the titanic production of Mars Ravelo's "Darna" the soap opera, but I was proved wrong with the release of "Majika", the network's most seizure-inducing, second childhood-generating soap opera ever.

And just what is this "Majika" all about? It's about spell slinging lady magicians in skimpy and colorful costumes battling it out in a badly-dressed fantasy set. Obviously, it was created with children in mind and it stars "Darna" herself Angel Locsin with Dennis Trillo, supported by Katrina Halili, Eddie Garcia, Jean Garcia, and Carmina Villaroel among others.

I have serious reasons to call this one shallow; there are absolutely no redeeming factors to save this one from damnation. The costumes and set design are absolutely meaningless and are so colorful it might induce seizures; the story is stereotypically soap operatic that each moment is a passing of never-ending clichés of love and mistaken identity; the premise is obviously a ripoff of various Disney films and Harry Potter---the show might actually trigger retardation because of its dumbed-down plot line.

What makes the show pathetic is that in order to save their sinking ratings (the rival show is slowly creeping up on the ratings game), they made the ladies' costumes a lot shorter in order to show more skin and attract the older, hot-blooded male audience. However, even the combined forces of Ms. Halili's fantastic body and the supple skin of Ms. Locsin cannot save this disaster of a TV show.

And what do passengers do when the ship is sinking? Jump ship before it takes the whole network down with it.

Review of "Bituing Walang Ningning": Second rate, trying hard... you know the rest

Photo Courtesy of titikpilipino.com

A highly-legendary quotation from a movie has never been so ironically uttered by someone so self-described. The soap opera "Bituing Walang Ningning" is exactly what "second rate, trying hard, copycat" meant and much more.

"Bituin" is the remake of the classic rags-to-riches movie of the same title starring Sharon Cuneta as the heroine and the incomparable Cherie Gil as the villain everybody loved. The TV incarnate's characters were ineffectively portrayed by Sarah Geronimo in the Sharon role and Angelika dela Cruz as an embarrassing and pitiful version of the Cherie Gil character. To make matters worse, the writers inserts tiring soap opera elements into the story to make it interesting, with disastrous results.

"Bituin" would have been a mediocre enough soap opera with its mediocre story and mediocre characters if it were not for Angelika dela Cruz' horrible impersonation of Lavinia. Angelika could have made the character her own if she inserted personal acting touches and originality to the role; however, she begins to emulate Cherie Gil's Lavinia, copying every batted eyelash and swagger that the classic character did. The result: a second-rate, trying-hard, Cherie Gil copycat.

ABS-CBN has successfully degraded themselves as the TV fad-makers to the eventual fad-followers as they erringly assumed that remaking classic Filipino movies into soap operas was the "in" thing to do. After the embarrassing turns of "Kampanerang Kuba" and "Panday", one might think that the producers, writers and directors have learned a valuable lesson. However, knowing the hard heads at the network, these lessons went into one ear but out the other.

Review of "Captain Barbell": Hit and miss

Photo Courtesy of journal.com.ph

Rarely do I give positive reactions to prime time soaps nowadays, and one of those lucky TV programs that gets some sort of praise is "Captain Barbell", the latest superhero soap to hit GMA prime time after the highly-embarrassing "Darna" (whose creators spawned another moronic fantasy soap opera entitled "Majika", but that is another article).

Surprisingly, the lead character of Teng is effectively portrayed by Richard Gutierrez, the current network's prime time superstar. This is in contrast to his previous work in "Sugo" wherein he plays enigmatic but uninteresting characters.

CB is the creation of the Philippines' top comic book creator Mars Ravelo, the same guy who made "Darna" and "Dyesebel". Captain Barbell's original story was about Tengteng, the urban poor boy who transforms into a superhero to save the day. CB's soap TV reincarnation gets a highly science-fictionalized face-lift by inserting various Marvel and DC Comics story lines into the picture; and this is where the show goes horribly wrong.

Firstly, it was perfectly obvious that certain story elements were shamelessly copied from well-known comic book/movie stories such as Superman, Spider-man, and even the time-traveling elements of the "Terminator" movies. The reason for this is that the writers probably thought that the kids who watch the show might relate to the story better if they find some of the story elements familiar; however, to us adults we find this laughable.

As the story goes along, we find ourselves immersed into the trials and tribulations of Clark... Er, Teng, the boy who would eventually become the country's greatest superhero. However, later on, as if adjusting to amazing powers were not enough, fate (or the writers) decided to add the stereotypical soap opera antagonist in the person of Sunshine Dizon, the greedy and jealous relative.

Afterwards, we root for the hero again as the writers use the characterizations to effectiveness. The entrance of wildly fun villains such as Rufa Mae Quinto make the story delightful to watch. This writing creativity, in turn , is contradictory to CB past enemies in the show such as Bubog (who is the Filipino version of a villainous Wolverine) and Adobe (who is an obvious amalgam of Absorbing Man and Colossus) who were stereotypical and tiring.

All in all, CB is a hit and miss show; sometimes it is effective and entertaining, most times it is tedious and laughable. So far, it is still in its enjoyable phase; and I am keeping my expectations low that it will get better anytime soon.

Review of "Agawin Mo Man Ang Lahat": Get ready for an afternoon of depressing TV

Photo Courtesy of Abante.com.ph

TAPE Inc, the makers of "Agawin Mo Man Ang Lahat" and "Saang Sulok Ng Langit" must have a penchant for ultra-depressing story lines. Although "Agawin" takes off a bit more than "Saang" wherein the heroes and heroines of the soap get their second wind early on by becoming stronger than the usual soap opera protagonists, the sadistic writers of the show make sure that the fighting heroes get double the pain and anguish.

"Agawin" has the same premise of all the Filipino soap operas that came before it: heroine lives normal life, gets messed up by ultra-evil antagonist because of money, heroine gets second wind and gets revenge. Rosanna Roces lookalike Marian Rivera stars as Almira, the heroine whose life gets messed up because of money, and Oyo Boy Sotto, the rising leading male as the boy. The rest of the cast includes Cheska Garcia, Matthew Mendoza, Wendell Ramos, and Mylene Dizon in the role of your stereotypical cold-blooded antagonist out to get everyone and anyone who stands for righteousness.

The story is formulaic enough for afternoon soaps, just throw in your usual good twin versus evil twin, dashing leading man, shadowy goons in eye-patches, the greedy antagonist, a juicy fight for some guy's riches, and you've got your afternoon soap right there. Of course, the show is creamed with TAPE Incoporated's trademark depressing circumstances.

I can bet that the next soap opera lined up by TAPE will be just as depressing as the others. Watch this, and make sure you keep the rope and poison far away from you.

One year old and what have we achieved?

Today we celebrate our first year anniversary; and every year gained in the real world, the celebrant, amidst the fatty foods and diabetes-inducing cake eaten on the day of celebration, almost always looks back at the year that was in nostalgia: What the heck did I do this year that I let it pass?

So what have we done aside from the insulting and name-calling? Is there really such an effect as to bring about a gigantic development in the current state of the entertainment industry? After a year, has anything changed?

In the year that went, I was able to review/insult a few duds: the horrible soap opera remake of Kampanerang Kuba, the witless reality shows Qpids and Pinoy Big Brother, the ultra-paradox-confusing Etheria, the kiddie-karate show Sugo, and the ho-hum movies Ako Legal Wife and Mourning Girls. Where are the positive reviews?

I slugged it out with a reader this year regarding my offensive critiques. Some of them claimed that I was too negative and was only looking at the bad factors of the production. Others, on the other hand, agreed with my views. I mirror the ideals of one Simon Cowell (of American Idol fame) when he was asked if he felt guilty about what he says to the contestants, he said, "What I am doing is kind by telling people who are useless 'Do something that you're good at'. So I would only feel guilt if I misled somebody who was terrible."

Then this 'Wowowee Tragedy' occured. This incident, I believe is the penultimate judgment to those who play poker with the lives of those who are in need. Now because of their greed and stupidity, the dead will forever haunt the memories of those who are responsible.

People tend to quit while they are on top; when they realize that they have reached their pinnacle, they subconsiously weaken their effort thinking that their lives could not get any better than what they have. I believe that this industry needs a really painful wake-up call from its fantastic sleep, and the only way to do this is to push it to the limits and make their mistakes known to them by shoving it in their faces. As long as they make these very same mistakes over and over again, then there will be no steps forward; the industry will be eating the same problems again and again.

They cry of piracy. They cry of bankruptcy. However, if they look honestly within their minds they will realize that their stupidity has gone full-circle. Ang basurang itinapon mo (pito-pito movies and cliche plotlines) ay babalik din sa iyo. This is a lesson waiting to be learned by all concerned.

One question left: will we still be around for another year? HELL YEAH. It is a beautiful thing to play devil to an industry such as this.

Review of "Blue Moon": Historical inaccuracies, painful unrealism, and laughable absurdity destroys viewing experience

Photo Courtesy of cbcpworld.com

How can producers go far into a story in order to make a sure-fire blockbuster chick-flick? How much absurdity and inaccuracy can one take in one movie-viewing? All These questions and more will (or will not) be answered by watching the Metro Manila Film Festival Entry entitled 'Blue Moon', a Danielle Steel-esquire romantic epic starring Mark Herras, Jennylyn Mercado, Eddie Garcia, Christopher de Leon and Dennis Trillo.

The story revolves around an aging Manuel (Eddie Garcia) and his search for his lost love named Corazon. What follows are is a series of plot twists which involve decades of family relationships straight out of a Danielle Steel novel. After all of the trials and hardships thrown upon the main characters, they triumph over impossible the odds; never mind the historically inaccurate portrayal of World War II Philippines and the absurdity of certain circumstances, all that matters in the movie is that it made the audience cry.

It was not hard to feel for the characters in the movie, most effective portrayals include Christopher de Leon and Dennis Trillo, the only actors who carried the movie all the way. The only hindrance for a total enjoyment of the film was the World War II sequences of Mark Herras and Jennylyn Mercado, whose bland-to-overacting acting can easily be noticed, which utterly destroyed the viewing experience. The flashback scenes are creamed with over-the-top impossible and historically inaccurate scenes such as the pre-Air Force Filipino pilots, unbelievable training scenes, stinky CGI of aerial dogfights, and laughable teenybopper scenes obviously written in to attract a younger audience. In my humble opinion, I believe that the movie could have been a lot better without the cheesy flashbacks and the full concentration was centralized on the present time, through the character portrayals of Eddie Garcia, de Leon, and Trillo.

All in all, the makers of the film could have made "Blue Moon" a great film, almost in the same level of Abaya's "Jose Rizal" if they had only avoided the clichés of the common romance epics and instead focused on character and plausible plot development.

Review of 'The Mourning Girls': Confusing and ridiculous

Photo Courtesy of tfc-online.com

'Mourning Girls' is exactly what would happen if a movie outfit attempted to emulate a Mano Po-type movie while dumbing the story down and inserting some unfunny comedic scenes into it. Please bear with this critique if it suddenly parallels the review for 'Mano Po' because the resemblances with this one and the other is quite uncanny.

'Mourning Girls', like 'Mano Po 2' before it, is the story of a family's patriarch Fernando (Ricky Davao) dying of a heart attack, and three wives emerging (Glydel Mercado, Chin-Chin Gutierrez, Assunta de Rossi) to claim his fortunes. The only difference is that Fernando goes around the funeral wake as a roving spirit, for reasons very unclear. The difference between MG and MP3 is that there is a weak attempt at a comedy, which audiences will find slightly amusing to utter ridicule.

'Mourning Girls' was created obviously without effort, with the actors sleepily walking through the dialogue without any sweat; obviously the curiosity built up during the beginning of the movie will be stepped on and destroyed during the viewing process. The same can be said of the story and script, which felt as if it was written while playing chess; the writers just tapped a few words onto the keyboard, printed it, and submitted in to the producers without a care on whether or not the story would work or suck. The story, which counts as the greatest element of any movie, was just utterly confusing. The plot revolved mercilessly at the premise of the three wives' fighting against each other with the occasional boring twist every now and then.

It was not anymore a surprise why 'Mourning Girls' flopped at the box office; though I believe the failure of this movie did not affect the producers and actors in any way. It was obviously made with a small budget and only an inclusion to a film festival in mind. It is quite amusing how producers beg Filipinos to save the movie industry by going back to the movies when they produce filth such as this.

Long-time-no-update

I am terribly sorry for not updating the page for quite a while. A lot of things got in the way. I do promise, however, to update immediately; as you can see I've changed my profile photo which means that I will be delivering more critiques in the next few days. Here is a list of critiques:

1. Bituing Walang Ningning (the ABS-CBN soap)
2. I Luv New York
3. Mourning Girls
4. Dubai
5. Majika

... And a few more still in the works. I'm definitely back, folks. So don't be sad.

Review of "Ako Legal Wife": And the series finally comes to a destructive end

Photo Courtesy of Filipinoexpress.com

Five years, two drama sequels and one comedy sequel later, nothing has changed on the status of the overrated Mano Po franchise; the story is still simple but expounded upon too much, the acting deliveries were still futile, and the producers again (and again) raised expectation all too high for the audiences only to find a humdrum of a movie.

The story of 'Ako Legal Wife' is centered on the story of Zsa Zsa Padilla's character named Chona Chong, the 'martyr' wife of serial womanizer Elton Chong (played by Jay Manalo) and her exploits to grab the attention of her husband from his mistresses, played by Cherrie Pie Picache and Rufa Mae Quinto. The other cast of characters were played by Pinky Amador, Bianca King, Julianne Lee, John Prats, Ella Guevarra, among others.

With the exception of John Prats' so-so performance as a closet homosexual, the rest of the cast of 'Ako Legal Wife' delivered a non-comedic, partly pitiful performances as their respective characters. The talents of promising dramatic actors Jay Manalo and Cherrie Pie Picache are wasted on ultra-clichéd dialogues and sequences already overdone by Bubble Gang. The Mano Po series is also notorious for casting big-named actors in five-second scenes, and Pinky Amdaor is the victim this time around, after Angel Locsin and others in the previous movies. The same could probably be said of child drama star Ella Guevarra, whose character could've been played by any other child actor in the industry today.

The movie is a complete waste of the actors talents, the producer's money, and the audiences' precious time. A lot of things had gone wrong in the movie, and not one element could save another; the storyline was too dull and the acting too ordinary.

I never thought I would say it, but I think we've had enough of Chinoys on the silver screen after five years.

Review of "Sugo": Thank Heavens it's over

Photo Courtesy of Jobsdb.com

There has not been a soap opera plot on Philippine television as messy as the one 'Sugo' had. Supposedly, the story of 'Sugo' revolved around a centuries-old battle between two warring factions amidst the rise of the 'master of all evil' and the birth of a pair of twins will usher in coming of the 'Sugo' or 'Savior' which will ultimately decide the fate of mankind. sound interesting? If you think it does, then you've got another thing coming. Richard Gutierrez starred as both the rival twins Amante and Miguel, plus a whole cast of great and not-so-great actors and actresses. Examples of great: Lorna Tolentino and Amy Austria. Examples of not-so-great: Isabel Oli and Dion Ignacio.

Now, where did 'Sugo' go wrong? Firstly, the makers obviously wrote the storyline as a sort of 'homage' to Hong Kong movies; they hired a superstar Hong Kong stuntman to teach action sequences. While incorporating Chinese-style action into the show, the writers obviously did not put into consideration the clashing effect of the Chinese culture to the ancient Filipino culture which clearly made their plot machine run.

Secondly, the muddle of confusion between Chinese and Filipino cultures brought about a great muddle of confusion in the storyline. Supposedly this is how a soap opera is supposed to work; a plot twist reveals and is resolved. Another one opened, and closed again. Two twists open, one will be closed, one will run for the duration, etc. This machination ushered in the entrance of new characters, death of old characters, resurrection of dead characters, new enchanted weapons, etcetera, for added confusion.

And still on plot devices, the events that shook up the world of 'Sugo' lacked originality. The merging of Amante/Miguel into a powerful being is reminiscent of similar plot devices for Dragon Ball Z, Ghost Fighter, and other Japanese anime.

The acting: obviously, the great ones like Lorna Tolentino and Amy Austria were obviously sleepy and one can easily realize that they are walking through their drama scenes easily as eating peanuts. Unfortunately, their superb skills were rendered inane by the shallow storyline. Acting-wise, I hope I can say the same for the rest of the newbies on the show like Isabel Oli, Chynna Ortaleza, and Dion Ignacio who were obviously having a hard time catching up with the performances of their senior counterparts.

Finally, the cause of all the mischief is the resurrection of the 'Lord of all Evil' himself, the 'Sauronic' Apo Abukay. It has been built up from the start that the character of Apo Abukay was supposedly the incarnation of all things evil; murderous, blasphemous, incestuous, and apparently made Satan and his horde of criminals and politicos blush in shame. SO, anybody can expect the fans' disappointment when the great evil known as Apo Abukay turned out to be the return of a laughable evil incarnate of 'Machete': Gardo Verzosa's endless 'evil-laugh-and-arms-crossed-while-face-is-on-close-up' overacting was not enough to put a face on the villain. As soon as he was alive, fans already wanted him dead. It was all the better that Apo Abukay remained faceless; continually inciting fear even without his presence.

Gardo Versoza was not Apo Abukay; he was a sexy actor in costume.

All in all, 'Sugo' might have taught us a few lessons on how good triumphed over evil; however, the show never ended without the occasional cornball dialogue and love angles us shallow Filipinos love with shows like this.

Final words: Thank God its over.

Convenience on pinning blame

Photo Courtesy of INQ7.net

During yesterday's brouhaha on the 'Wowowee Tragedy' where about 70 people died due to a stampede, there was not a shortage in saying that 'nobody wanted this to happen', or 'we did not want any of this to happen'. bad news, folks: IT DID.

By this time, the government task force to investigate this tragedy is in action, asking anyone and everyone who might be responsible for the man-made disaster. ABS-CBN, the producing network of the program, claimed responsibility and promised to pay for hospital and funeral bills; and they should, because in the first place, this sad event should never have happened if it were not for the inanity, stupidity, and incompetence of all those involved in the production and planning of the event.

Firstly, it is fully laughable that a giant network like ABS-CBN would be responsible for a negligent act such as this. They're the almighty ABS-CBN, for chrissakes! This sort of thing never happened to giant networks like them. Probably to NBN and IBC, yes, but ABS? Never! My point is that if the production had the correct system, cooperation, and coordination with their people involved, the tragedy should never have happened.

Next, let me just state that the unruly audience which suffered the commotion does not share the blame here. Our countrymen are already suffering because of poverty, and nobody can ever blame them if they wish to win a million pesos within the blink of an eye; for they will never ever earn even half of that million in their whole lives even if they tried.

Negligence. Greed. Inanity. Incompetence. Stupidity. All in one morning.

Here we have a case of 71 people sacrificed needlessly for the sake of profit and TV ratings; and ABS-CBN is claiming reponsibility. AS well they should. They are the ones responsible here more than anyone else.

IMDb: Philippine Movie Industry "Now Clinically Dead," Says Director

This article was posted on the IMDb's studio briefing page, and frankly, it is not something to be proud of, is it?

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Philippine Movie Industry "Now Clinically Dead," Says Director
The Filipino film industry which only recently turned out more than 200 films a year, will produce only about 25 in 2006 and faces extinction without government support, a top director said Saturday. As reported by the Philippine Star, director Joel Lamangan told a forum in Quezon City, "The movie industry is now clinically dead." He warned that unless film producers receive government backing, foreigners will eventually produce movies depicting Filipinos, and "the country will lose its soul." He demonstrated the lack of government support by noting that at international film festivals in which Filipino films compete, producers have to pay for the meals of Philippine embassy officials in attendance.
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There are a few blog readers out there who sent me e-mails (you know who you are) telling me off. Some of them are asking me why I say things on my blog, why I criticize Filipino movies, why I say awful things about their favorite programs.

There's your answer. Need I say more? This precious entertainment industry of began her descent began in the 1990's when those profit-hungry directors and producers began to make those sleazy seven-day softcore pornography movies starring Ynez Veneracion, Angela Velez, Rosanna Roces, and all the other brainless boldies that came and went without any name at all.

Nextly, the already suffering industry received another blow from the growth of the CD and DVD pirates. The emergence of these illegal vendors sealed the fate of the industry.

Then it got worse with these Film festival garbage when everybody involved cried foul.

So how can anybody expect this dead industry to rise up? It should start with the ordinary people like us. We should make it known that we, the audience, are sick and tired of seeing the same kind of garbage on our television and silver screens. These producers need our money, and money is hard to come by nowadays; so the movie makers should give us proper reasons for us to give them our money.

Let's face it. All of these shows and movies they're coming up with is just not enough. Don't just aim for the money, kids... AIM FOR THE WORLD.

If you want our money, DO BETTER.

PBB Fanatics strike again!

I posted my review of 'Pinoy Big Brother' at the IMDb website a few months ago (September 10 to be exact) much to the dismay of the diehard PBB fanatics.

http://innocentyears.blogspot.com/2005_09_01_innocentyears_archive.html

I remember that this review was not in favor of PBB. However, it was not offensive either. Well, guess what? I saw this message pop up on my personal IMDb page:

"Pinoy Big Brother" (2005)
Foreign garbage in our midst, 19 September 2005

(This comment was deleted by IMDb based on an abuse report filed by another user)

Yes. The review was apparently 'reported' by some PBB fanatic who cannot stand my criticism. Well, what can I say? The truth hurts; and some of them blind fanboys will do anything to protect their beloved PBB no matter what the cost. I do not blame IMDb because most of the actions done on the website is mainly electronic response. The report was probably done by some lonely lunatic-stalker with multiple e-mail addresses who cannot stand criticisms, most especially against his beloved TV show.

Honestly, I pity these people who are blindly taken in by a TV show.

And finally, this proves that what i am doing may be quite effective in some way.

Review of 'Mulawin'

the long-running soap opera squeezed into 2 hours, 4 January 2006

Author: pope_innocentyears (innocentyears@yahoo.co.uk) from Philippines


So what will happen if an epic story which should take about many months to be presented properly is squeezed into two hours? Enter 'Mulawin: The Movie', GMA films latest fantasy motion picture to date. 'Mulawin: the Movie' continues the story where 'Mulawin the Soap Opera' left off, and that is the continuing adventures of Alwina and Aguiluz after their 're-discovery' of their bird-people ancestry which leads them back to a battle against an old enemy.

Remembering 'Mulawin' the soap opera, it is a well known fact that the storyline of the said show was fleshed out slowly and tediously for a couple of months; and even then the story went no place! Now, the same guys who did the show will be creating a movie version.

The finished product? a months-long soap opera squeezed into two hours. The editing and cutting of scenes resulted into sudden event changes, making the watchers go, "What the heck? What happened?" If the viewer blinks for even just half a second, he will never notice the plot twist that just unfolded before his eyes. character appear and disappear for no apparent reason, and even if there were any explanations, expect it to come as a single sentence from one of the characters, and then move on. By half the film I was so confused, I never even bothered to try and understand the rest of the story.

The special effects, again, just like the soap opera, lacks 'speciality'. Again, the 'flying' effects are poorly done, the actors are seen as obviously hanging from a thread with a harness. The creators seemed to have forgotten how special effects should not look like special effect; it should look like the real thing.

Blame it on the marketing strategy, but Mulawin was made to look like a great movie when in fact it is not. High expectations ultimately destroy a mediocre movie, and that is exactly what happened to Mulawin. I guess karma came in the form of 'Enteng Kabisote 2'.

Watching Mulawin with high or low expectations does not make any difference. It is still a poorly done movie with flaws clearly defined. Can we expect the same weaknesses and flaws when they come up with an 'Encantadia' movie then? Let us hope not.

Film festival and what not

Once again, the Metro Manila Film Festival is upon us. It is that time again when local fim producers get to showcase their talents amidst the escalating problems of piracy and bootlegging. Does anybody have anything to be happy about aside from the bravado of our local producers? Again and again we keep hearing the good news of how movies like 'Enteng Kabisote', 'Exodus', and 'Mulawin' are topping the box office; we keep on hearing about how much is spent on production and how much profit the particular movie made.

Now correct me if I am wrong, but was not the currently-showing Hollywood movies were removed from the moviehouses to give way to the Filmfest entries? Shades of genius, but it only proves the fact that local movies are no match to the sheer strength of Hollywood. And I do not blame audiences; who would rather watch the ultra chop-chop movie 'Mulawin' than 'Chronicles of Narnia'? Who would prefer watching the special effects of 'Exodus' rather than that of Peter Jackson's 'King Kong'?

It is a sad fact that anybody would turn to Hollywood for their entertainment rather than turn to local movies for the same. For the price of 100.00 pesos, the viewer gets to choose between a foreign movie and a local movie; a choice between a certified quality foreign film versus a locally produced try-hardest fantasy film with no other pull but star power.

Thinking practically, for a hundred bucks I would rather get my money's worth; cinema is way too expensive nowadays. I am pretty sure many people would do the same, but since they were left with no other options, the local movies would do just fine.

Enough about that, now here are the entires for the 2005 MMFF and my personal first impressions:

1. Ako Legal Wife - Supposedly, this one is the fourth installment of the much abhorred Mano Po sequels, but thankfully Mother Lily decided that the Philippines have had enough of these over-acting Filipino-Chinese and turn this latest one into a comedy instead; much like a parody of her Mano Po movies.

2. Blue Moon - As far as the trailer goes, this movie seems like a mixture of Pearl Harbor, Aishte Imasu, and all other mushy Filipino lovey-dovey movies whose market is obviously the teenyboppers who cannot get enough of the artificial love-team of Jennylyn Mercado and Mark Herras.

3. Enteng Kabisote 2 - The only logical and honest-made movie that is currently reaping the benefits. The creators of this movie knew they cannot create a serious fantasy movie that can compete with the try-hard fantasy wannabe movies, so they decided to make this one a comedy instead. Like 'Ako Legal Wife', nothing beats a comedy to make one laugh the hard times away.

4. Exodus - Supposedly, this one is a serious fantasy movie, but I have received reports that director Erik Matti chopped up this movie; a great beginning, a muddled middle and a so-so ending. However, I still reserve my comments after I watch it.

5. Kutob - One of the two entries in the MMFF which is in the horror genre. So far, I am not hearing any bad comments about this one, but I am not hearing any good ones either. To be perfectly honest I have not even seen a trailer. So should we care?

6. Lagot Ka sa Kuya Ko - One of two entries in the action genre.

7. Mourning Girls - No news on this.

8. Mulawin - So far everybody's been complaining about how this movie was hacked and slashed by the editors. Watch out for my review on this page.

9. Terrorist Hunters - Dennis Roldan as a bad guy. Reel and Real? Sorry Dennis, but I just had to take a shot.

10. Shake Rattle and Roll 2K5 - As if we have not had enough of the ultra-corny SRR mobvie back in the 80's and early 90's, here it is again; and take note: they changed the title from the cliched SRR part 1, part 2, etc. to SRR 2k5. This means there will be movies for the years 2K6, 2K7, 2K8, and so forth. Oh, the humanity.

Relax and See a Movie? Sure! Right after they bring back 'King Kong' back to the moviehouses.

why do ABS-CBN fanatics always think that GMA fans are out to get them?

i posted this on the Panday message board on the IMDb.

this is really funny... and pathetic at the same time.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0479336/usercomments

read my review on PBB, then read the other guy's review which is directly in answer to mine. bakit ba yung mga ABS fanatics eh feeling nila kinakawawa sila, kesyo panalo na daw ang GMA sa ratings eh mas lalo pa daw sila dina-down. tapos isa daw ako sa mga pinadala ng GMA para siraan ang ABS. meron din naman feeling nila kaya daw bumagsak sa ratings ang ABS is because of bad publicity and evil business tactics daw... eh mas matindi pa nga yung tyranny ni freddie garcia sa ABS noon ah!

di pa yata nila nababasa yung critisismo ko sa encantadia... bah, andami yatang nagalit sakin mga taga GMA dahil dun ah.

honestly, i pity these ABS freaks. di sila sport.